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glowcloud:

i love the Women Against Feminism that are like “I dont need feminism because i can admit i need my husband to open a jar for me and thats ok!” cause listen 1. get a towel 2. get the towel damp 3. put it on the lid and twist. BAM now men are completely useless. you, too, can open a jar. time to get a divorce



foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck


miggylol:

pumpkin spice candles soon

pumpkin lattes soon

pumpkin everything

image


hankgreensmoustache:

champagne-paradise:

kaworushin:

wouldnt it be fucking scary if you had a clock that counted down until the moment you die. like what if it could be altered too like one day it says 70 years left but then you do something and it says 10 minutes left and youre like what the fuck i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

omg

what if you got on a plane and then as soon as it took off everybodys clock changed to 20 minutes






ridge:

why does everyone care about being mature for their age like maybe i fucking like drinking from juice boxes and eating my popcorn like a fucking lizard fight me about it




juilanne:

i love typing because my fingers make that cool sound and i seem professional


quibbs:

bigasseyesfullawonder:

quibbs:

getting up at 6:00 am made me realize that 6:00 am isnt a place it is an emotion

6:00 am isn’t a place at all

thats because it is an emotion


badathlete:

i feel like dr oz gets all his tips and tricks from a pro ana blog run by a 14 year old